Domination and Submission

With last summer's craze of 50 Shades of Grey, a book I will under no circumstances discuss on this page other than to say the word of D/s she represented is not the one I know, but it seems now so many people are now open to an idea that had been utterly taboo before.

Changes in culture are always funny to me, but as a sub myself, I'm happy with the ability to be able to talk about this with people as if it's not the shame of a lifetime. However, my introduction to, and personal beliefs of, D/s are quite different than the norm, but I think completely valid because in truth, D/s changed my life, made me stronger and more whole than I had ever been in the past. It gave me the insight into myself to understand lifelong habits that had been sabotaging my day to day life all rooted in the fact that I am a submissive and that's where I flourish, under the loving dominance of a good Dom.

Though there is obviously a lot to say about D/s sexually, for me, the sex was the least of it, it was the psychological aspect of giving yourself over to another that resonated deep in my soul.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ~ Anais Nin

Three of my favorite quotes but Anais Nin. I find her fascinating because

Being Submissive is NOT the Equivalent to Being Brainless

I find it disturbing how many women I've run across since entering the bdsm world that seem to want to check their brains at the door. Like somehow it's required in this. Being a sub does not mean being a mindless doll to be played with at some Dom's whim! It is a power exchange it should be negotiated and you should be receiving as much as you are giving!

I find myself wondering if this is how you conduct your day to day life, or it is seriously that you have somehow come to believe you cannot be submissive and stand up for, or look out for, yourself at the same time.

I'm enjoying my foray into D/s greatly, but if I thought for one second I'd have to

Why I am Writing BDSM

D/s (dominance and submission) is such a fascinating, complex and deeply passionate reality. Most people won't ever truly understand it. Especially in our culture, people hear the "word" BDSM and they think x-rated sexapalooza kink fest. I suppose there is that aspect to it, but what I am writing about is the more potent side, one I only recently discovered myself and that I am completely enamored by.

The relationship between the dom and the sub is like an intricately choreographed dance. A dom needs his sub as much as the sub needs her dom. They aren't complete without one another and yet together, they do find that sense of completion much of our society craves and that is a powerful and beautiful thing!

It takes an extremely strong person to submit to another so the generic belief that a submissive is weak is laughable. Just the same as assuming a dom is just an asshole who wants to grind another under his boot heel. You will find both the stereotypes in the BDSM world, but that is because as with anything in life, there is a wide array of personalities drawn to the world. You have your good you have your bad. I'm writing about when it works. When you find that unique blend of two people that have that exact right connection and are able to gain a level of trust that allows this relationship to blossom and flourish.

The other thing most don't ever understand is how much power the sub actually has in this type of relationship. A good dom's first rule of thumb is to protect his sub at all cost, the second is to pleasure her to the depths of her soul. A true dom gets his fix from seeing the level of passion he can bring his sub to, not on seeing how much he can degrade her into nothingness. A true skilled dom knows how to play a sub just right, sending her deep into subspace so that all that exists for her, is him. A good functioning dom/sub relationship makes each person more than, stronger, more whole than they are alone and I personally find that to be a beautiful thing.

 A D/s relationship can be utterly bone deep satisfying unlike any vanilla relationship can even hope for and I think all those things, make D/s far more interesting than the ties, chains and whips most people expect to see in a bdsm story, but those are of course fun too. ;-)

If you want to know more about D/s please contact me, I always love to hear from people.