Changes in culture are always funny to me, but as a sub myself, I'm happy with the ability to be able to talk about this with people as if it's not the shame of a lifetime. However, my introduction to, and personal beliefs of, D/s are quite different than the norm, but I think completely valid because in truth, D/s changed my life, made me stronger and more whole than I had ever been in the past. It gave me the insight into myself to understand lifelong habits that had been sabotaging my day to day life all rooted in the fact that I am a submissive and that's where I flourish, under the loving dominance of a good Dom.
Though there is obviously a lot to say about D/s sexually, for me, the sex was the least of it, it was the psychological aspect of giving yourself over to another that resonated deep in my soul.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ~ Anais Nin
Three of my favorite quotes but Anais Nin. I find her fascinating because
I feel she truly understood D/s at it's core. She seemed to understand the act of being submissive was not about weakness, but power. I learned that in the right combination, D/s makes each partner stronger.
I learned that a Dom needs his sub like he needs his next breath and what we give them, our free willing trust and submission, is the gift of life. What I received in return for that gift was love, respect, validation and a new core strength awakened that I never knew I could experience.
I believe for some of us, being submissive, or Dominant, is who we are created to be, not a mere sexual choice we make on a Friday night when we play with a pair of fuzzy handcuff. All that's fine, refer to the Embracing Sexuality page, but for this page, I am talking about what it truly means to be submissive, and why it changed everything for me and how you can explore this world safely, because make no mistakes, it can be a dangerous place if you are not informed and if you have no sense of yourself.
Still, being submissive is one of the greatest discoveries of my life and has made me stronger in every way imaginable.
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