Being a good submissive takes a certain brand of courage. Being a good submissive, holding up your end of the exchange means completely, 100%, giving yourself to another person to do with what they will. It means opening yourself up to having your vulnerabilities and weaknesses exposed. It means resting entirely in the decisions of another person. It means releasing your need to control or manipulate a situation in anyway. It means being entirely helpless as a baby bird fallen from a tree. It is not something just anyone can do, nor something most really want to do, but for those of us who are true submissives, it's in that state of complete surrender that we are our most beautiful, that we show our greatest strength.
It is this exact reason though that I say to be a good submissive, you must
know yourself, you must be strong in yourself and you must choose your Doms carefully. Not everyone is worthy of such a gift and make no mistake, your submission is a gift and a good Dom sees that and respects that.
D/s is an exchange it is not slavery, it is not indentured service, it is not servitude at all. Yes, it can mask as all those things, but if you are not getting your needs met, if you are not being cared for and protected, if you are not experiencing moments of ecstasy and bliss... take a closer look at what is going on, because as wonderful as D/s can be, it can also be a wonderful place for abuse and emotional damage to be done.
I've had only two Doms in my life and I chose both very carefully. I am without a Dom now because I will wait for the right man, rather than sell myself into something unworthy of my. I am a damn good sub and I know my worth in this area. I expect the same of the man I expose myself to this much.
Being in a Dom/sub relationship should be no different at it's core than being in any other relationship, if you wouldn't go to Denny's with him at midnight for all you can eat pancakes, then why the fuck are you letting him parade you around on a leash and collar?
You will never find soul completion in any relationship without a strong sense of self, without a determination to be respected. The lines are not blurred here. A relationship is a relationship, the only difference between D/s and a vanilla romance, is you stand to get a lot more damaged, physically and emotionally, if things go awry in D/s.
I love being a submissive, I blossom in it, but I assert my will, my strength and my courage before I get down on my knees with my yes, Sir's. If it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person in the vanilla world, then it is ten times more so in the D/s world.
If you are without a Dom, then use the time for yourself, get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your needs and truest desires, because I promise you, when you find the right fit, D/s is unlike any high in the world and something you never forget, but in between the kink and the submission, is life and I need to be loved, cherished, protected and cared for or there is no way I'll avert my will.
Dom memories: Once, my Dom, who is French and lives there much of the time, sent me a package with bath salts and perfumes and bubbling concoctions with a note that said, Use these this evening at 5pm your time and take your phone with you... I expect there is an audible "Yes Sir" about now.
That evening while I was in this luxurious bath, he called from France and spoke to me in French... it was VERY heady, but as we were wrapping up he said to me, "Do you know why I did this?"
I of course said, "Because you are good to me?"
He said, "No. Because I have been reading your blogs and you have run yourself ragged. I simply wanted you to stop for a time and feel like a woman again."
That is a sign of a good Dom... don't settle for less!
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